Not a single one of us.
Monday 25 March 2013
Mirrors
Today I found myself staring my insecurities in the face, fed by the knowing that I should or could be thinner. Most days the creation of a mirror is my worst enemy, that being said, there's the occasional time where I don't totally hate it. What we see in the mirror is usually the reflection of how we feel about ourselves, not what we actually look like. Personally, I have never said "I feel fat", and then looked in the mirror and appeared thin and beautiful. I tend to get ready in the morning and then stand in front of the mirror and pick myself apart. I can't be the only one, am I right? My drive to write this was sparked when my best friend was talking about how she was fat and I wasn't. Which in my opinion is absolutely not true. We could both be thinner and we both have things we want to change about ourselves, everyone does. Whether we wish we had a smaller/bigger nose, curlier/straighter hair, a smaller/bigger butt, or that we wish we were taller or shorter, there is always something we want to change about ourselves. Always. As women, I think it's natural to look at a thin and beautiful girl and immediately start picking ourselves apart. Sometimes it's because we don't have toned legs and abs like her, and other times it's a little less specific and it's just because we aren't her. Believe it or not, but that girl has insecurities too. When she looks in the mirror in the morning she has doubts about herself, just like we all do. I think that if no one had doubts about themselves we wouldn't be so jealous of each other. I think we're jealous of the thought that "she doesn't have to worry about her body image like I do". Maybe we would be a happy with ourselves and be at peace with the fact that we are who we are. I'm making a promise to myself to pay more attention to my mental health and things that make me feel good about myself, rather than what I look like on the outside.
Mirror, mirror on the wall. Who's the fairest of them all?
Tuesday 19 March 2013
Hopelessly Devoted
This was originally a diary entry, so it's a little bit raw, but I thought it would be a good addition to this blog.
As a teen aged girl I'm always thinking about boys, it's just what we do. We think about kissing, how amazing Fred's abs are and what it would be like to date George. When in my case I've realized that maybe it's not boys in particular that I can't get enough of. Maybe I'm just infatuated with the thought of having someone to hold my hand, kiss me and tell me they love me all the time. Am I the only one who just loves love? Most women enjoy watching romantic movies and reading the latest love story. But for me, love is all I ever think about. It feels like it's the only thing missing in my life. Sometimes I find myself running away from relationships because I'm afraid that I'll be disappointed. Is the love we see in movies really what it's like? What can I say, I'm hopelessly devoted to love.
As a teen aged girl I'm always thinking about boys, it's just what we do. We think about kissing, how amazing Fred's abs are and what it would be like to date George. When in my case I've realized that maybe it's not boys in particular that I can't get enough of. Maybe I'm just infatuated with the thought of having someone to hold my hand, kiss me and tell me they love me all the time. Am I the only one who just loves love? Most women enjoy watching romantic movies and reading the latest love story. But for me, love is all I ever think about. It feels like it's the only thing missing in my life. Sometimes I find myself running away from relationships because I'm afraid that I'll be disappointed. Is the love we see in movies really what it's like? What can I say, I'm hopelessly devoted to love.
Spring Break Blues
School has been out for just a bit more than a week, and let me tell you that I'm thankful for it. I know for a fact I'm one of many kids that hates school. Here are my reasons why:
1. School is boring as f**k. I know it's a classic answer, but there has to be a reason that it's the most popular response. Perhaps because it's true! School is very boring. Simple as that. Our lessons at school tend to be lengthy and yawn inducing. Teachers seem to be aware that kids like lessons where we can personalize their own work and do things we excel at. But they continue to put us to sleep. Why? I understand that they have to obey curriculum and guidelines, but why does it mean we have to suffer? Even doing the most simple tasks, like reading a text book, can be fun. Why not have a volunteer read, and each time the reader says "king" for example, the students must perform a task. This strategy insures that everyone is paying attention, plus it makes things a bit more engaging.
2. Society teaches kids that in order to be "cool" or "popular" you must fit into a cookie cutter mold. Which is a bunch of BS. Dealing with "The Populars" is a task no average kid wants to take on, especially when it happens everyday. From the popular's point of view, dressing to impress and keeping the cookie cutter image is difficult and time consuming. It can take over your life, seriously. Those girls in movies and TV shows that you see loosing their lunch in the bathroom are 100% real. The pressure to be perfect now days is intense and sickening, literally. Some days it's just easier to bail and fake a flu, than to deal with it all.
3. Home work is hard, for most of us at least. Especially when you are juggling family stress, extra curricular activities and perhaps a job. Once you enter your late years of middle school you start getting homework that sucks brain power, and after seven hours of school it's probably a scarce resource. Spring break is a perfect time to go about a relaxed day without having the constant back-of-your-mind thoughts about tonight's homework or Friday's test that you have yet to study for.
With all that said, spring break also opens up time to feel depressed and lonely, if you're not out with friends 24/7 that is. So here I am, writing this blog, wasting my spring break because I just don't feel like getting pretty so I can call some friends and have a night out socializing. Occasionally I feel a tad pathetic, but then I remember that sometimes it's good to just have some time to reflect upon yourself and everything you've been dealing with. Am I right? Or am I just saying this to give myself some piece of mind?
1. School is boring as f**k. I know it's a classic answer, but there has to be a reason that it's the most popular response. Perhaps because it's true! School is very boring. Simple as that. Our lessons at school tend to be lengthy and yawn inducing. Teachers seem to be aware that kids like lessons where we can personalize their own work and do things we excel at. But they continue to put us to sleep. Why? I understand that they have to obey curriculum and guidelines, but why does it mean we have to suffer? Even doing the most simple tasks, like reading a text book, can be fun. Why not have a volunteer read, and each time the reader says "king" for example, the students must perform a task. This strategy insures that everyone is paying attention, plus it makes things a bit more engaging.
2. Society teaches kids that in order to be "cool" or "popular" you must fit into a cookie cutter mold. Which is a bunch of BS. Dealing with "The Populars" is a task no average kid wants to take on, especially when it happens everyday. From the popular's point of view, dressing to impress and keeping the cookie cutter image is difficult and time consuming. It can take over your life, seriously. Those girls in movies and TV shows that you see loosing their lunch in the bathroom are 100% real. The pressure to be perfect now days is intense and sickening, literally. Some days it's just easier to bail and fake a flu, than to deal with it all.
3. Home work is hard, for most of us at least. Especially when you are juggling family stress, extra curricular activities and perhaps a job. Once you enter your late years of middle school you start getting homework that sucks brain power, and after seven hours of school it's probably a scarce resource. Spring break is a perfect time to go about a relaxed day without having the constant back-of-your-mind thoughts about tonight's homework or Friday's test that you have yet to study for.
With all that said, spring break also opens up time to feel depressed and lonely, if you're not out with friends 24/7 that is. So here I am, writing this blog, wasting my spring break because I just don't feel like getting pretty so I can call some friends and have a night out socializing. Occasionally I feel a tad pathetic, but then I remember that sometimes it's good to just have some time to reflect upon yourself and everything you've been dealing with. Am I right? Or am I just saying this to give myself some piece of mind?
If You Really Knew Me
If you really knew me you would know that I love to write. You would know that I'm in love with love. And you would definitely know that I don't say everything I'm feeling. The point of this blog is for me to shoot my thoughts out into cyber space, with the chance that another human being may just have advice or a common situation. The things I type on the keys of my laptop are not what I would ever say out loud, maybe because it's embarrassing, not helpful in the moment, or just down right sappy and cheesy. When I say "If you really knew me", I don't mean if we were friends. I mean these are the things you would hear if you were in my head. If you really knew what I felt and thought. I believe that it's the words you keep inside that make you who you are. The unspoken words are more powerful than any well constructed sentence or dialogue. They are the story behind the individual, the hand behind the paint brush.
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